I have called this meeting so we can “reach out”to our customers to provide them with a “value proposition”based on industry “best practices”. The “bottom line”is that we “have to go the extra mile”to provide and “amazing”“customer experience”so we can have a “win-win”situation. I need everyone to “think outside the box”and go through the “ideation”process so we can “leverage”our position and provide efficient “bandwidth”so “at the end of the day”we can “incentivize”you on a “net net”basis. “Spitball”ideas with anyone on the team “offline.”We all need to be “teed up”on this initiative because our “stakeholders”and the company need to “be singing from the same hymnal.”Let’s do some “back of the envelop”calculations and focus for now on “the low hanging fruit.”It is important that we have our “talking points”aligned and I will “circle back”with each of you to “level set”our strategy so that this does not turn into a “train wreck.”Any questions? Good, lets all go “the extra mile”on this initiative.
Does this sound familiar? Are you scratching your head now as much as you do when you experience this at work? What happened to a simpler way of speak? Here are some buzzwords and what I think of when I hear them:
- 10,000 foot view: I don’t know any of the details
- Back of the envelope: We are out of legal pads
- Benchmarking: My photo is on a bus stop bench
- Bio-break: I am in buzzword hell if I can’t even say restroom
- Circle back: Circle back mountain
- Emotional leakage: Looks like a going concern. I better get a pair of Depends
- In the loop: I am going to hang myself if I hear another corporate buzzword
- Intellectual capital: The opposite of Congress
- Low hanging fruit: Going commando
- Space: The final frontier
- Stakeholders: For those who like corn-on-the-cob holders
- Value proposition: Negotiating with a prostitute
Let’s put the opening paragraph in a simple and understandable format:
I have called this meeting to begin the conversation of how we can improve our customer service. Everyone in this room has thoughts and ideas on this topic, and we want to hear them so we can determine which one(s) we can be implemented. The team with the best idea will win $10,000. Generate as many ideas as possible. We want quantity. We will determine quality afterwards. This is a directive from the board of directors and is a high priority initiative. As part of this process, what little things can we start doing today to help improve our customer service. I will be meeting with each team this next week to gather their ideas and then we all will meet in two weeks with our strategy. I thank you in advance for your hard work in this initiative.
We went from 185 words down to 139 words – a 25% reduction in words plus a 100% improvement in clarity! I’m starting a campaign to eliminate buzzwords at work, and you don’t even have to dump ice water over your head. Are you in?